Hillary Murphy

Fixing people

To be something they are not

Will only breed a darkened pane

Of the person they ‘should’ reflect

When you think of her

I’ll watch the turmoil in your very being

Bubble out like lava

Come the volcano, that we cling to

Watch the hurricane come and wipe away

Salted tears of hate and dismay

Because the thing about hurricanes

Is that they have a way of washing away everything

The pain the hate

The foundation lays in ruins

Of what was made

Yet you sit and ponder what was lost

What was ours, what is to be made

It’s here to stay, you say?

Well, all I see is change

So while you keep trying to fix something

That was built on ruins

I was creating the stage for a new way

For a heart that gets to stay

I hope you can say you did the same

Because when I come

I’ll wash it all away

The good the bad the pain and the hate

The gate is open

The tether is shredded

Because we are never the same

We are who we are in but a moment

There is nothing to be fixed but the way you see life in vein

Nothing stays the same so trying to fixate on

That day and create, is a beautiful date

But for me…

I was always in the making, without time to come back

Because in all realities we are in the present

Only… the rest is just a fixed facade of

Flight to escape the pain

For me this is no charade but a

Crash course to deal with deadly pain

So let’s see who stays when the day is done

When midnight fades to the next day.

Just you wait

Because all expectations and emotions

Stay unpaid until you come alive

And decide that this is

A sight that you want to stay,

We find ourselves in the waves…

Yet what you forgot to state…

Was this states of mind are like a cyclone

A spinning mind that continues to cycle

Just like the way the eye of the storm holds

An ever spinning hurricane of trust

When we spin, hands crossed and clasped

Until we’re too dizzy to hold on,

And we let go just to roll down the hill and lay

The evening away, and look to the stars shining in the sky

Doing the same, spinning to create

Paint splatters that way…

Like life without feeling like you went astray…

Because this astral body holds me

In the fixated way

Your eyes forever seeking my eyes

They way I’ve seen the world singing my songs

Back to me… on your stage

Sounds of pain, but the concept of connection

Is all that this humanity needs to say…

This life I lived like no other

This world is my home, and we’re here

So without further adulation

I must say… my love is fixated here with you

My world still turns the same way

The direction of love and my baby

My Zenith is you

So forever, I’ll look up to you

Because this foundation you’ve made

Holds me like two birds of a flame

You and I, and this story of fixation

Of a Phoenix to look in the mirror

Pray on her sheets

That tears were never cried in vain

That our string… was not forged in hello

But in everlasting joy, purity, glory, power and praise of the one

To whom we belong, our God above…

We whom he made.

So, I’m here. Please stay, your heart will beat my name

And my soul only calling one humans name

DJTK.

~ Lighthouse1215

20/03/2023

Burn Higher

My heart

Is a willow tree

My leaves are on fire

I’m sick of this game.

My flames burning higher

See my pain

I laugh and perspired

The heat coming off me

It’s molten

Core heat

Dare to try your trance?

Don’t play

with my heart

This world

watches your ways

The universe is tired

Of the way

You go your own way.

The one who comes

Tried to take me

Said this world it

doesn’t deserve me.

I called out to you

I stayed for this fire

For my family

This island, our love

I said no, I believe

They will have redemption.

I called out to go back

Pleaded for my return

I heard my family’s voices

I called them and

Calling me back.

It was my decision

I stayed

Im fighting

for this world

Y’all think

this is a game.

So I’ll pick who wins

Watch and pray

that I let you

Stay and play.

You are worthy if

You stay kind

Humble,

with peace.

Hunt me?

Oh please,

I already

Haunt your dreams.

Written 09/17/22

Of A Dream

Only you

Only you.

Can silence me this way.

I used to let everyone.

But if this is unrequited love

You’ll cry when you see

what pain I’ve been hiding.

Should I publish it all,

so there’s no more moments

of darkness dwelling within me?

At this moment

with tears welling at the sides of my neck. Remember how a-like we were?

Do you believe that I am having a similar experience here?

On the confused side of the stick

where more than half the time

the images fuck with my head

more than bring in light?

Assumptions make us crack at the seams,

I pray the string holds. I pray that this string

is indestructible.

But if unrequited is what you think this is… I think you need the definition of passion.

Because it’s uncontrollable for me: our love.

My love for you.

Maybe I still don’t know… if it’s you.

The Snow Fails to make me Cold

Snow falls

Tundra calls

Biome fully engolfs

Shades fade, lightness made

Trust in my steps

Conscious, and adept

Rebuke what’s left

Make new, with each end.

Calm, and peace

Skate cleaned, icy bends

Warmth inside, electric

Cold pierces resistant thought

As I draw within

It’s time to begin.

Emergence of eccentric

Lime green, these sowed seeds

Will come again, this

Years come to an end

A cycles’ constant, reminds

That all things are

Made new, grow them

In your garden, mindful pain.

Do you see mine, do your understand my plea?

Interrupt me, find me,

lose me, do whatever you have to.

I can’t hide

and find

that I’ve been all I need to see,

but wouldn’t cross the sea,

as I didn’t see

what was meant to be.

I’m sorry, don’t plea

just fight for me.

Until you see

and talk to me.

That’s all I need,

life and just glee.

Please just don’t

be mean to me,

and they’ll finally be

what they’re always meant to me.

To Someone

who finally cared about me,

eyes mine, all to blinded

by the many lies

to see what I gave up

For thee,

it’s infinite death to the mystery.

And now

it’s all going to make you believe.

Yeah, I save it for you.

Unless it was a dyre need

Delete it or talk it out?

Delete it or talk it out? Run from your life and don’t respond? Or have trust to your partner and in each other to respond in a respectful tone?

Relationships are tough, but our own personal views on situations like these are simple. Do differing views make us incompatible? Or just rigid and unable to grow up? Do you trust yourself to do the right thing? Have the right words to say?

Well fuck I don’t know but hearing that these differing viewpoints, caused a six year relationship to come to an end is a clear indication that whomever deleted it and never talked it out has something they aren’t willing to overcome, because it is evident that both parties came to this predicament before.

Pretty heartbreaking that responding, or “entertaining” others and not deleting anything looks “worse” on a persons character than hiding altogether. It’s pretty sad knowing and seeing something that was deleted and forced concealed come to light in the worst way. The irony is, that is what made me come to the conclusion it was over in the first place.

That he chose the wrong words, the wrong woman and “your man’s a cheater boo” is all I got out of it all. Yet it was never in the inbox, no opportunity to talk it out, no chance to give ME a fighting chance. So.. I’ll go, thanks for giving me a reason because my stubborn heart just wouldn’t let you go, until now. And now I’m free to hurt on my own.

Your roots are yours.

For what way might I cut you down if you stand tall, if you are a tree surly you will not fall. You nutrients you give earth have taken hold. Surly I have not seen your roots, as they are beneath you, they are the stronghold which you have to hold your life experience. It is not mine, but yours. I would not cut you down, are you sure that you have been flexible enough to weather all that’s around you? It is not me who has cut you down, but your own sight and decision of what it is you see. I’ll be there if only you allow me. The unless of life, is where you decide what you allow and what you do not, so decide if it was me who truly cut your branches and your trunk because it was bleeding, but if I did not grind out your trunk and dig out yours roots… as you’re only one who knows them to be true. I surely could not know the location to find them, unless you let me in. It’s not my decision but yours. I’ve lived enough to know that I have no intention of ravaging all that you are, only curious to see just how how you perceived it all. It’s not mine but yours, what’s mine is my experience and in yours… do you think I’m the one to take anything from you? Let’s count when it was, that, I decided to let you go, and not look back. But once. How many times did you decide not to seek me truly. I’d never had anyone truly seek me nor follow through to those things I said so can you blame me for not realizing that you would do all that we talked about? I’m sorry that my basis of understanding was from the depths of hell but that’s where I had lived, you couldn’t see, but that was the road I was on and it was hard to get back to you, and remember just how much I had to offer.

Oceans away

I look out at the sky meeting the sea and all I can think of is the ocean’s

see youu’re

away from me again.

When will you let me make this right

you said no

and I didn’t like the way you let me go

You left me leave crying without you

I couldn’t bear,

the weight of the world coming back over my head again.

Why do you make me feel the pain you felt

when

I lost you all over again.

You saw me there, and you let me walk away again,

how can I trust a love that youu’re not believing in?

Let me make you see those years away we’re meant for you and me,

we’ll have our time

If only I could fly away

Move the world to make this right again.

We’d change the world

open’in all their eyes

The beauty here will not fade

if only you let all the light in

The moon is beautiful at night

but imagine the shining we could do in the daylight

if only you believed that you

belonged with me

Youu’re allowing the darkness to fade

what we had,

what we could be has only just begun.

The light is searching for someone

A lighthouse without

A way to reach the world

Fades to darknesses don’t let it fallout

Our world needs us now,

My world needs you

again,

so I’ll claim up to the sky

To reach my

Golden egg, will you help me climb

Back down again?

Please say you will, shine togetherness

And sing that love, with me.

Social Media… A Rant

“Sometimes there is so much more to life, and many generations after mine.. will never receive those gifts. A wise person once said, “Look up…” before the world passes you by.” – H.M.L. Murphy

When I think about all the time I’ve spent on other people who didn’t give a rat’s ass why I was doing it, it makes me realize how little my time meant to these self-deprecating, leeches that are just happy that you choose them. People were made to give what they can and to celebrate who they are without defining themselves by a tiny piece of what this earth should mean to them. Things. Big things small things, nice things, fancy things, things that make you look good, things that make you feel good.

Well, to tell you the truth these things are building people up in a way that is insufficient for life on this planet we call earth. We have begun to feed into the egotistical part of “keeping up” with whatever it is in the media that we find to be ‘important’ or ‘relevant’ this is keeping the world blind, there still has been no change in the problems that we face, and the thing is that the stories just continue to get worse and more embarrassing for humanity. So… wake up, and just do it.

FOCUS on something other than your phone screen, because it will change your perspective about yourself and your media addiction, that get away that you have always wanted to plan, don’t waste it staring at another screen that has occupied you long enough for it to be a part of your relationship, a part of your team, that is… referred to as a personal relationship. I’m sure you would get the words out that you have needed to say for the past few weeks, if you could hold the attention of your significant other long enough to have these important conversations… rather than allowing them to build up into a ball of emotional wreck.

If you post on social media how you are feeling… it is typically because you are not spending enough time on the things you love or the people who matter to you most. You are venting to an endless realm of “look at me”, I feel sorry for you. If you are out there trying to inspire, create or promote self-awareness, good for you, hopefully you are actually practicing the preach of your Facebook timeline.

Why didn’t you tell me you stay?

All those nights

I cried my-self to sleep

I don’t know that

You were the one for me

I sat here screaming at the sheet

What the hell is wrong with me?

I can’t take another stray

Because I wanted you to stay

Your no unsettled my courage

and shook my middle earth

If now all I could do, was look at you

Please say that, you would want me too

All those nights

I cried-my self to sleep

I don’t know that

you were the one for me

I sat here screaming at the sheet

What the hell is wrong with me?

If I could run away,

and find you runnin’ through those streets,

Tell me you’d see it my way

And take all my hurt away